Sometimes when writing, my memories or current observations are pushing their way onto the page. I feel a pressure inside that builds until I find the energy to release it into words. The words form metaphors & imagery that try to illuminate a subconscious dilemma or need. I’ve learned to go with it.
This pressure demands acknowledgement that I must grow, come to terms with my beginnings, accept shortcomings… and successes. The successes are harder.
Life is too often inside my head. A train passes by, the sun sets over Mount Hood, a passing cyclist smiles at me as I walk along the river and I am half-aware.
The pressure builds… connections and insights flicker to life in a shielded mind despite the fatigue born of a life walked with head down through a cacophony of voices too demanding and actions too harsh. The words strive to be seen through the fog of that fatigue, and they may or may not reach through it.
The noise and onslaught did quiet one day, but when I looked up I was a quiet observer. I was the poetry orphan writing my orphaned poems set on a journey to find a self more joyous, witty, and strong. A life lived would be a life where the words would one day scream truths, clearly with feet firmly grounded and eyes fiercely content.
Of Consequence, a retrospective collection of poetry, is a collection of previously published poetry on this website and additional writings described as “explor[ing] the struggle between hope and disillusionment, using a blend of fantastical imagery and stark realism.” I hope you enjoy this prelude to Poetry Orphan, a collection of upcoming and ongoing poetry and writings.
Let’s talk about philosophy, psychology and the “why” of all this being if we meet. Let’s not give a damn and be silly while obsessing about the latest urban fantasy book I’m still smiling all giddy about. Walk in the woods, binge on escapism television, be genuine with each other… there is nothing more important then the word genuine. Genuine is my favorite word. These are some of the joyous things.
I grew up in Miami, Florida playing in the sand and waves, watched Hurricane Andrew while visiting family in NY, and spent my remaining formative years in Orlando, FL where I spun cotton candy at Universal Studios and was once approached to do voice-overs for a cartoon character when I was shelving books at a Barnes & Noble my senior year of High School. My voice is usually memorable, kind-of childlike which is both a blessing and curse.
I moved to Greensboro, NC with my then boyfriend, in 2008, after my father passed. We picked the city on a whim… not too far north and not too far south and not too far away from family. It was a part of our story, and we were married in a garden in a small town called Oak Ridge. It was perfect.
We braved the fear of leaving what we knew for a life that could be better in a city we thought could finally feel like our “home” and drove across the country to Portland, Oregon in the winter of 2013. We were right, and I don’t think I’ve ever loved a place more than I do now supported by the spirit of this city. This is where “Of Consequence” was finally pushed out, in all its imperfectness. If anything, it was to get me out of my head and onto paper.
Only a year later and we are in Washington surrounded by forests and haunting but beautiful landscapes. The journey continues to curve and move on…
My husband, Dani, is my best friend; he is the person I love to laugh and have adventures with. He is my solace and my rock. You’ll find us walking in the mountains, exploring new sites together and taking too many photographs, sitting with feet buried in the sand by the ocean, shooting our bow and arrow, and shamelessly enjoying the escapism of a good book or story. I have 2 children (Java Coffee McManus the Cat and Apache the Kindest Dog on Earth). I continue to explore nature and existentialism with roots in Zen Buddhism.
Dealing with Chronic Illness
I have a genetic condition called Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome – Hypermobility type (EDS – HM). It can be painful and frustrating, so sometimes it nudges its way into my thoughts and distracts me.
Follow my journey with EDS at Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome Contemplations. The aim is to explore the process of acceptance through unedited reflection and introspection. Another goal for this site as it unfolds is to provide support to others living with chronic illness. Research, advice for self-advocacy, and personal ruminations on the topic will be posted. Please feel confident in opening up and discussing how I can make this a helpful website for you as it evolves for fellow people with an “invisible illness” and those who are interested in learning more. Visit www.ednf.org and www.chronicpainpartners.com for a wealth of information on the subject.